The Severed Cortex

Link: http://www.buick.com/lucerne/index.jsp

Yes, I know this is a weird entry. I love American luxury cars (especially Cadillacs) although I don't consider Buicks to be luxury cars. In fact, I consider them to be old codger cars. I may have to change my mind on this.
The cost of an 'economy' car in Portland was about $40/day. The 'premium' car was $45/day and since I hate to travel in a small car, I talked Nancy into springing for the extra $5 per day. Actually, I didn't have to talk her into it. She knows I hate small 4-bangers and suggested that we get a better car. (The Hyundai Accent experience in New England back in 1998 affected her too). When we arrived at the car rental spot the 'guy' said they were out of premiums and it was my lucky day because he was going to have to give me a Cadillac STS. Unfortunately his boss walked by two minutes later and said he had one premium car in the back and he'd bring it around. To say I was let down was an understatement. The thought of swapping a Cadillac for a Buick was very disheartening, but it didn't take me long to change my mind.
This car had everything; leather seats, climate zone controls for driver and passenger, 8 way power heated seats with 4 way heated lumbar support, XM radio, etc. This car had a button for everything which included all diagnostic info. It even had a button that told you how much tire pressure each tire had in it. I haven't even included the two coolest things. The first was the auto-sensing cameras that told you when you were about to hit something backing up. If you look in the rear view mirror a light would come on when you were first backing up. A second yellow light comes on when you are within 3 feet of an object and a third red light comes on when you are within a foot of an object. Even a doddy old coot could parallel park this without hitting another curb, car, postal mailbox, street urchin, french fry machine, etc. The second coolest thing is the rain sensing wipers which automatically react to the amount of water hitting the windshield. Although it wasn't completely perfect (there were a couple of times I thought it should have come on quicker), it was amazing how it would know when to speed up the intermittent speed.
The only knocks I have on this car is that it has the turning radius of a sherman tank and it gets crappy gas mileage. We averaged about 21 mpg which is what my old Dodge Dakota gets. I'll probably never buy a car like this, but I was impressed with the ride and comfort of this canoe.