The Severed Cortex

Thanks to co-worker Lynne Burnett for this gem.

Wal-Mart announced that, on January 1, 2007, it will begin offering customers a new discount item Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-$5 range. This price range will compare favorably with Sneaky Pete, Mogen David, 20-20, Spruce Juice, Thunderbird and other fine well-known ghetto (i.e.,urbanâ) wines.

Wine connoisseurs may not, however, be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas-Bentonville. She said: "But the right name is important, you know."

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the new Wal-Mart wine brands. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either White Meat: (Possum) or Red Meat (Squirrel).