The Severed Cortex

Link: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Drugs-Cocoa-Puffs-Manifesto/dp/0743236017/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215282929&sr=8-1

I really have a love/hate thing with Chuck Klosterman. I've picked up his books in the bookstore, read a couple of pages, and loved it. I then flip to another section, read a couple of pages, and love it. Flip somewhere else, read a couple of pages, and get so pissed off that I forget about those first two things I read and liked. And of course, I refrain from walking out of the bookstore with one of his tomes. This copy actually was given to me by my friend Nancy and she said she knew that I would like it. It's true. I do ... but ... it falls into the same 'like two things, hate one thing' thingy for me. Even the title is apropos of my Chuck Klosterman experience. I like sex. I like drugs. But alas. I'm more of a Captain Crunch kind of man, with crunch berries of course. And not the peanut butter Captain Crunch. That stuff is an abomination, although it does improve if you substitute beer for milk. Don't ask. It's another long story. Honestly, I'd never consider eating Cocoa Puffs even if I lost a bet. Instead, I'd pack my belongings, move to a new town, and assume another identity; one that still hates Cocoa Puffs and is wiser about betting against eating a bowl of them.

So what is it about Klosterman that makes me want to dismiss him? I think it's just because he's so dead wrong every so often. For example, his premise that Billy Joel is cool just because he's not cool, is just ridiculous. Rationalize your love for Billy Joel however you want, I still know that liking Billy Joel is not cool in any way, shape, or form. Accept the fact that you like Billy Joel and move on with your dysfunction. This is just one example from the book, but there are several more for me. Sometimes I wonder whether Klosterman is serious or if he's just doing this sort of devil's advocate thing on purpose, in much the same way Lester Bangs did. (Chuck does admit he comes from the Lester Bangs school of thought in one of the essays). If he is emulating the master, the line is too fine and for me all that does is drive me insane. Other things he writes are just not at all interesting to me, such as essays on Saved By The Bell or MTV's The Real World. I have a ton of respect that you can write a whole essay on these subjects, but they are entirely not at all interesting subject matter to me. I do admit that I have viewed both shows so I was at least familiar with characters. In turn though, there are a lot of essays that I really enjoyed. The commentary on the inaugural Pop Music Studies Conference was absolutely hilarious, as were the 23 questions that Chuck must have answered before he can say he loves a person. His analysis on cereal mascots was pure brilliance, even if I don't care for Cocoa Puffs. I'm big enough to admit that Sonny the Cuckoo Bird is the best cereal mascot now that the creepy old man who played King Vitamin has retired. Seriously, creepy old men should not be involved with marketing cereal to small children. It's just a bad, bad idea.

Look. Chuck Klosterman is a highly entertaining writer. There's no denying that. He's infinitely more entertaining than I am, and even the stuff that he and I disagree with is written infinitely better than I could have hoped to write on that subject. The essay is probably the best format for me and hatred aside, I have gleaned a ton of information about how to improve my own writing. I most likely will not actually put it into practice, but that has more to do with me being lazy and less to do with my aversion to admit that I like Chuck Klosterman. The bottom line is this book kept me entertained throughout and there are a lot of places where I related to Chuck Klosterman, even if it pains me to say so. I should accept my dysfunction and move on.