The Severed Cortex

Link: http://www.rotoworld.com/content/playerpages/player_main.aspx?sport=MLB&id=2506

Oh, Jason Varitek
Why must thou sucketh so bad
Your batting prowess hath erodeth to the level
Where ordinary men sayeth

Shit the fucking bed. I can hit better than that.

With great reverence
Young Theo lovest thou
And one Terry cherith thouest with great game calleth skills
I must thinketh to myself

Jesus fucking christ. The fucking pitcher can hit better.

But oh woeth me
Why musteth I suffer in such pain
As I slippeth into the clutches of death
My last dying breath whispereth

Could you be any god damn worse. You're fucking killing my fantasy team.