The Severed Cortex

The Road to Hana is billed as the most scenic drive in America. It is also billed as the curviest road in America too. I wasn't really sure what to expect on this day. Yesterday, south of Kula, we encountered some winding road. I thought Hana would be similar. It was ... except this is way curvier.
We are up at the crack of dawn or as we like to call it back home, 11:00 in the morning. Just to refresh you on time zone math, that is 6:00 am Hawaii time. The plan was to grab some Starbucks and coffee cake in Kahului. I'm here to report that the plan was executed to perfection. The A Team would have been proud. After gassing up the car we headed to Pai'a where the guidebook suggested we stock up on supplies at Mana Foods. Good suggestion. Mana Foods appears to be a hippie grocery store and in typical hippie fashion it does not open early in the morning. So, instead we decide to walk around the main drag of the town and kill some time before Mana Foods opens. Five minutes later Nancy finds a shop selling sandwiches and billing themselves as the last lunch spot on the Road to Hana. I think maybe hyper technically that might be true. There's some Clintonian word splicing going on there. The woman behind the counter is overly friendly and we get a couple sandwiches, chips, cookies, pasta salad, water, and a 'cooler' to put the food in. The 'cooler' claims to be able to keep things cold for three hours which is the approximate time it takes to get to Hana, a mere 50 miles away. Yes you read that correctly. 50 miles, 3 hours. That's a lot of slow driving. And so you know. The 'cooler' is a fancy word for 'make hotterer'.
Packed up and on our way we drive the almost ten miles to where the mile markers start. Mile markers are all you have to go by. There are no signs. The first stop is at mile marker 2 where a dilapidated bus run by hippies sells fresh fruit and smoothies. This theme of hippies and roadside fruit stands plays out a couple of times along the way to Hana. Had I known that there were enough of them I would have forgone the lunch in Pai'a and opted for the fresh fruit and smoothies along the way. You know, get all native and stuff. I encourage you to go that way if you have the fortitude for it. Still carry plenty of bottled water. Anyway, the trail behind the bus leads to Twin Falls. Or so they say. We walked about a mile back and just gave up trying to find it. It is very muggy and we are reluctant to burn all our energy on the first stop. On our walk back we meet a couple from Wisconsin who ask how far to the falls. We tell them we gave up, but they trudged on undeterred. We head back to the bus and get a $4 smoothie made with fresh sugar cane juice, banana, papaya, and pineapple. It was totally kick ass.
I could tell you about every stop on the way but there is no way to do it justice. There are lots of places to stop. There are waterfalls by the roadside in several places and just about anywhere with a fantastic view has a roadside pull out. After a while it just becomes a joke when I say, "Wanna stop again" every time we make another curve. By the way, these curves come about every 50 feet and the view around the next one is better. There are literally hundreds of turns with switchbacks that seem to be almost 360 degrees. I exaggerate only slightly. There are also a lot of one lane bridges and even more stretches of road where you do not want to meet another vehicle. Occasionally we do meet one. Since you can't go more than 15 mph you can stop quickly but it is a little unnerving. We saw bob trucks and duallys pulling trailers and garbage trucks and even a school bus that I was convinced was going to rip the whole side out on a bridge. It was brutal enough in a Pontiac G6. I can't imagine what torture it must be for a bob truck.
We take tons of pictures and about three hours later we end up at Wai'anapanpa State Park. The State Park is an old lava flow with jet black craggy rocks and a black sand beach. And the water is an awesome blue color. I can't see blue that well but I know this was different than anything else I've seen. Literally you could have put a bullet in my head and I would have died happy. This may be most beautiful place I have ever seen. A lone girl was swimming in a calmer area between crashing waves slamming hard against the dangerous rocks. The contrast of the her against the beauty and danger of the scenery was perfect. The water looked so beautiful and so clear that I was disappointed I didn't bring swim trunks and snorkel gear. I have no idea whether there is aquatic life in here but it looking at the rocks with a snorkel mask on made it seem like it might. I walked down to the beach and put my feet in the water. The black coarse sand was much different than the fine glue-y sand of West Maui. As I'm taking pictures I see the Wisconsin couple who tell me they found the falls, and yes it was totally worth the hike. Figures.
We would love to drive down to 7 pools (O'heo Gulch) and also see Charles Lindbergh's grave, but an earthquake some number of years ago has taken out one of the bridges. We still drive down as far as we can, stopping at Hana Beach to wade in the water, check out the red face cliffs, and watch a local cutie try to surf. She manages to stand up a couple times.
The drive back is a little different story. Yes, we stop a couple times but for the most part we are trying to get back to West Maui. I suspect that this is the same thing that happens to most people who choose a day away from the beach to drive a car on dangerous roads. If I had it to do all over again I would stay in Hana another day or so. But, we choose the touristy route instead. Next time. At one point on the return trip the traffic is stopped completely while men in rappelling gear try to shore up a sheer wall where a recent slide occurred. We happened to be the first car stopped and we chat up the flagman. He was very nice and he reminded me a lot of the Hawaiian version of my brother in law. The climbers were at least 80 feet straight up hanging above the road, which is barely wide enough for two cars. Past that there is just a sheer plummet into a canyon. The following discussion occurred.

Me: "Why aren't you up there?"
Flagman: "Because I'm smart."

Once the road is opened it's back to green flag racing. For about a mile. We get stopped for another 20 minutes while consturction crews work on another slide. Luckily it occurs next to a waterfall and one lane bridge so we have plenty to watch. And then we are back to green flag racing. For about a mile. The people in front of me have no concept of how to drive. Play some Gran Turismo 4 for Playstation 2 and you will learn to drive better. Guaranteed. I know it sounds silly to say you can learn to drive from a video game but I say it is true. I'm not the only one who says it. I digress. We make it back to the resort at 5:00 pm, a mere eleven hours after the adventure started.
After a shower we decide to eat sushi at a place called Sansei in Kapalua. Kapalua is just north of the Kaanapali resorts and is more time shares and condos. Sansei is in the Ritz Carlton area and the crowd is definitely very Chad and Muffy. I'm in a t-shirt and I haven't shaved in three days. O the horror! After a 30 minute wait we get seated at the sushi bar. The sushi roller is American but he is obviously skilled. We get panko crusted ahi roll, the Sansei special roll, surf clam sushi, and salmon rolled flower style. It is extra fresh and surprisingly has more of a Sheraton price tag than a Ritz Carlton price tag. Imagine that. Cheap sushi near an ocean.
We head back to Lahaina for ice cream where we are again 'accosted' by a young man on a bike asking if we want buds. We do. Not.

Some pics.
Many of these are gigantic. If you don't have a broadband connection don't bother.
Hippie Town
Waterfall on the way to Twin Falls
Beach in the Distance
Your standard Hana Highway one lane bridge
Your standard Hana Highway view
Panorama from Roadside Park
Panorama from Overlook
The Aforementioned Swimmer
Waianapanapa State Park View
Waianapanapa State Park Panorama
Koki Beach near Hana
Red Cliffs at Koki Beach