The Severed Cortex

Link: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/recap?gameId=290212885

Normally I wouldn't care anything about this but the coincidence is just too weird. One of the business partners I'm traveling with is actually a graduate of New Jersey Institute of Technology. Just today at lunch he was talking about how his alma mater hasn't won a basketball game in years and then tonight they win their first game in almost two years. Coincidence? I think not. Does your favorite team suck? Tell me about it and obviously their fate will change. Or maybe it is just a coincidence.

Link: http://scores.espn.go.com/nhl/recap?gameId=290120018

I'm in San Jose this week and realize that the HP Pavilion is a short 6 blocks away. On a whim I mention hockey to some of my travel partners and one of them scores 2nd row tickets behind the Vancouver bench. Pricey, but great seats for sure. (Thanks Mamie) Little did I know it was the return of Claude Lemieux, one of the venerable players of the game. The guy has won 4 Stanley Cups, a Conn Smythe trophy, and now 5 years from leaving professional hockey he returns. Oh yeah, he's 43 years old and 9 months older than me. I couldn't skate for 2 minutes and this guy plays the 3rd line like he never left the game. I was lucky enough to be there and witness this history and for that it was totally worth the price.

Great game too. Roberto Luongo stopped 22 shots before giving up a goal with 39 seconds left in the game. In overtime Daniel Sedin took a bad penalty and the Sharks scored on the power play to win. Lemieux was totally stoked. Joe Thorton egged on the Canuck bench throughout the 3rd period and as the teams were leaving the ice after the game, a couple of Canuck players took the liberty of a body check to a couple Shark players. A scuffle ensued. Good times.

Vancouver's coach and a couple of their players were constantly checking out Mamie throughout the whole game. The coach even winked at her at one point. It was definitely funny.

We have way too much crap. How did we acquire so much crap? Don't ask me. I have no idea.

In most cases people who move call a full service moving company to pack, load, move, and unload their collection of poop. We didn't have that luxury. What we had was a tentative contract with suspect buyers. We had to plan for every conceivable possibility which basically consisted of we are moving or we aren't moving. Unfortunately we had to lean towards the former but in order to cover our ass we had to plan that we were actually moving. The bad part was that if we didn't wind up moving we didn't want all our stuff packed up somewhere. Oh, and by the way, we closed on the Monday the 29th but the Christmas holidays fell right before that. Enter the world of PODS, or portable on demand storage. I wish I had invented it.

Our plan was this: pack the non-essentials in PODS. If the house didn't sell at least we had some of our stuff packed up. Not enough to make it suck for living in the house, but enough to get the stuff we didn't need all the time out of the way. On the 18th they delivered an empty POD to our house. By the evening of the 21st we had it packed to the gills. It was a slow start for me packing it, but after awhile I figured out how to maximize the space. By the time I closed the door on that first POD I had used damn near every square inch of the thing. All that was left in the house were the big heavy items and the essential things.

On the 22nd the POD people picked up the filled POD and dropped an empty one in its place. By this time we knew that the house was sold. Granted, I didn't know this at the time we ordered the next POD but we had to assume that everything was a go. How planned was I? I had movers set up to move the big stuff on the 23rd. And on the morning of the 23rd, despite the sleet, snow and slick roads, the movers showed up ready to go a mere 5 minutes late. Their coordinator called me ahead of time to alert me they would be a little late. (Hats off to Sims Awesome Moving Company) They took one look around at our stuff and made this simple declaration. "All that ain't gonna fit in one POD". Seriously? Seriously. We had to improvise our plan quickly and this was it; move all the really heavy stuff into the POD and get everything else in the garage. As the movers did their thing, I called PODS. They assured me that even though they planned on picking up the current POD on the 27th, they could instead pick it up on the 26th, deliver another one, and pick up that one on the 27th. I was ecstatic. Nevermind that I had to pack that next POD in one day with stuff too heavy for me to move on my own. I'd figure that part out. All was not happy in Mudville though. On the 26th PODS called me to tell me not only could they not deliver me another POD, they couldn't pick up the current one until the 30th. No can do chief, I told them. I don't own the house on that day. Several hours later they called to tell me that they could pick up the current one on the 27th but they couldn't bring me another empty.

Enter U-Haul. Say what you want about U-Haul but you'll never hear me disparage them. I ordered a 17 foot truck but they didn't have one available. Instead, they gave me a 26 foot truck at the 17 foot price. When I went to pick it up in East Alton, I told the store manager that I needed it for 4 days. He gave me the truck for the extra days at no extra cost. Truthfully I think he just wanted that big truck off his small lot, but either way he cut me a deal. Turned out that the rest of our stuff barely fit on the 26 foot truck, but I did manage to get it all in there.

We have way too much crap.

Why did I hold out for the extra couple thousand bucks? Why did I put my wife through the added stress for a measly couple thousand dollars? Because I've seen the buying and selling of a house movie a couple of times now. Step 1. Buyer gets inspector to say house is piece of crap. Step 2. Buyer asks for things to be fixed. Step 3a. Seller agrees to fix things. Or Step 3b. Seller says he will give buyer 'X' amount of dollars to fix things himself. Step 4. Buyer agrees to Step 3b and spends money on new TV instead. Step 5. The house is officially sold barring some bizarre event.
You don't have to memorize the steps. Just be aware that in order for the seller to get to Step 5, he must part with some cash. In our case the cash we held out for turned out to be more than what it cost us to fix the issues raised by the inspector. In fact, the inspector's list of issues cost me almost a whopping $50.

Life was not $50 easy. I was not off the hook by any stretch of the imagination. To illustrate what was about to happen, let me move back in time to my last house sale. When we left the wonderful village of University City, we were burned to the tune of about 1000 bucks for a new 'flue liner'. I would wrap that in air quotes but I can't find air quotes on my keyboard. An obscure rule, most likely lobbied by the flue liner installers local 138 in conjunction with Laclede Gas (who receive a kickback from the flue liner installers for each flue liner installed), stated that the flue liner must be at least a minimum diameter of half the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

Cost me a thousand bucks and it was nothing more than a scam for someone to take a bite out of me selling a home. Well, the intent was not directed at me personally I'm sure, but I did wind up in their snare. I mean scam.

The latest in the 'let me wrangle 1 large out of every home sale' scam is the radon test. According to the EPA radon is linked to lung cancer and anything over 4 picoCuries per Liter is just downright dangerous. Look, I have no reason to doubt that radon could be a mitigating factor in the development of lung cancer, especially if you are, say, a uranium miner. Developing lung cancer from watching TV in your basement is a bit of a stretch. The radon tester guy showed up at our house with a device resembling something from a high school physics lab circa 1974. He set the whole thing up on a rusty TV tray. Also, circa 1974. We were instructed not to touch the device. We could come and go as we pleased but we had to keep the door to the basement closed. We had to keep the doors closed to all the unfinished areas. Forty-eight hours later we tested at 4.9 pC/L, or whatever the damn notation is supposed to be.

I know the drill. Buyer says he won't buy house. Seller reminds buyer of Step 3b back in paragraph 1. Buyer follows Step 3b and gets new flat screen TV. Except our buyer didn't like Step 3b at all. We reminded him again that there would be money for a new TV. Our buyer was thickheaded. Or perhaps he just didn't need a new TV. What he did need was a radon free home and he was going to back out of the deal unless we guaranteed to get the radon levels reduced to the 1.5 level. Nevermind that no installer guarantees anything to that level or that they weren't obligated to do anything better than 4.0, our buyer wanted 1.5. So instead of the simple steps we outlined in the first paragraph of this diatribe, we had this bizarre seventh circle of hell. We would put the radon mitigation system in if our buyer guaranteed to buy the house. Our buyer wouldn't guarantee to buy the house unless the radon level was reduced to 1.5 pC/L. The installer wouldn't guarantee 1.5 pC/L. I refused to put in system with no guarantees. At one point I offered to put the system in on the condition the buyer put up more earnest money. My thought process was that if he backed out, I at least had more earnest money to take from him. Finally something gave. At the time I wasn't sure what broke the stalemate. I suspected it was a combination of the reality of starting the house hunt over again, being without a house for an unknown period of time with two small kids, and his realtor explaining to him that life in general is a risk.

We did have one small caveat to our agreeing to install the mitigation system. That caveat was that the buyer was not allowed into the house. He also got no say so as to where the system was to be installed. Guess who showed up on installation day expecting to come into the house? You guessed it. Where I come from you don't be-bop into another man's house, tell him where you want something installed, all without the guarantee that you will buy his house. Take the money and do it yourself or let me have it installed and shut the fuck up. In case you are confused, refer back to Steps 3a and 3b. They really are quite simple.

The installer walked into the basement with me, figured what he needed to do, went outside and explained it to the buyer, and life was good. Well, after my wife pointed out that his signature was on a signed contract life was good. I found out later that the installer was the key to breaking the stalemate. It was no picnic for him. Over the course of our seventh circle of hell, he had spoken with them on the phone several times explaining that he would guarantee the 4.0 level. He also said he would not guarantee the 1.5 level, but he did tell them that a lot of times he's able to get it below that level. Again, with no guarantee. Our buyers weren't satisfied. They told the installer that they talked to someone at the state regulatory agency who assured them our installer had to get it to the 1.5 level. Our installer said WTF? He called the state and they said WTF? We never told anyone that. The installer told me that if it wasn't for his wife he would have told our buyers to go suck an egg. And by egg I mean brown stinkhole. And by brown stinkhole I mean ass.

And so the mitigation system, a mere 35 feet of PVC pipe and an electric fan, was installed at a cost of $875 dollars. The basement was retested with the same antique, rusty equipment as before and the result was a miniscule 0.4.

On with the move.

Link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28661103/

I hear his fantasy was to be buried in a casket made of rich Corinthian leather.

When last I left (yes it was a week ago) we had received an offer on our house. In the worst part of the year to sell a home and at the absolute worst time in U.S. history for selling a home since the Great Depression, we had an offer in eight (ish) weeks.

Let me start off by saying that I don't want to walk away from a deal where I feel I got screwed. I don't want to walk away from a deal where I feel all parties came away equally, although I will settle for this on occasion. I want to walk away from a deal where I feel like I got the best of the other party. I realize that this is a character flaw and a particularly not nice thing to do, but it is the way I am wired. It doesn't matter if I'm dealing for a car or slightly used pork chops. I deal to win. I was out-dealed by the master, one David Gubin, when I was a kid and I swore it wouldn't happen again.
So, given that this was a really crappy time to sell a house, I don't blame someone for low-balling. However, one should not low-ball without knowing as much as possible about the other party in the deal. Knowledge is power and information is king. I wouldn't be in the business I'm in if I didn't believe that. Let's look at the facts. For one, the house had been on the market a mere 75 days or so, which wasn't exactly a real long time given the economy. Second, as I pointed out before, was the simple fact that we didn't HAVE to move. We wanted to move but we weren't moving and scoop shoveling cash into the basement for the new owners. Our buyers neglected to take both these things into account and instead chose to low-ball us because every news story in America said it's a great time for buyers to find deals. That's true if you find someone in pre-foreclosure or you don't mind taking a REO. But our buyers were different. Not only did they low-ball us, they asked for all kinds of things including the refrigerator. I think they wanted us to cook a meal for them and babysit their kids too.

As soon as I received the faxed offer, I picked up the phone and called my realtor. The first question I asked was, "did they ask you any questions about our situation before shooting us the offer?" The answer, sadly, was no. I knew from that point that I had the upper hand in the deal. If you aren't willing to do your homework, your odds of coming out ahead in a deal are slim. I, on the other hand, asked lots of questions about my buyers, and not just the obvious 'do they have financing already'. Yes, I asked that one too. I found out that their house had already been sold and they needed to be out on a certain date. I also knew the deal on the first house they put a contract on fell through, so they were in a bind. They needed a house and they needed someone to work with them on rushing the close date.
Knowing these things, my first instinct was to just say no thanks and neglect to counter at all. Our realtor talked us into at least giving them a counter offer. We countered only slightly off the list price and without all the stuff they were asking for, a sizable difference from their original offer. They countered back only slightly above their original price and asked for the refrigerator again. We said no thanks. They called the next day and asked again if we would reconsider their second offer, giving us the sob story that they didn't have financing to go any higher. We, again, said no thanks. We told them what we would take for it without the refrigerator included and what we would take for it with it included. (Keep in mind that we still have not moved off our original counter price which was near list)

The Thanksgiving holidays passed. Nancy wondered if we had made a mistake by not taking the offer, dreading the possibility that it might be months before we saw another one. I just kept thinking that if they truly were at the absolute top end of their financing, I did them a favor by not putting them in a precarious position. On the Friday morning after Thanksgiving I woke up, looked at Nancy, and said, "They're going to call us today".

I had just picked up Robert in Alton later that morning and was heading across the river to meet up with the family at the Art Museum when the phone call came. We had a deal with the refrigerator included. When most houses were going for 90% of list price, we sold ours for 97% of list price.

And then the fun really began.

Link: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2009/01/07/coogan.oldest.person.kcal

Gertrude knows that if you want to get your life on you got to put the pork up in the pan. Preach on granny, preach on.

Link: http://www.save-the-delta-queen.org

The last of the true flat bottom sternwheelers. Yes, there are others, but none have the history of The Delta Queen. I remember getting to tour it a couple of times when I was a kid and I remember how shiny and clean it was inside. Years later I would understand this all too well as cleaning is a preeminent part of a deckhand's life. On Sunday morning heading to church, we knew that if there were strange people walking up and down the main street the Delta Queen must be in town. Caruthersville was unique in that there were a myriad of Christian denominations within a couple of the riverfront. The good folks at the Delta Queen wanted to make sure you got your churchin' in. If you were Pentecostal or Church of the Nazarene, you had a hike in store for you. Everyone else had less than seven very small blocks. If you were a devotee of church of alcohol the Climax Bar was only one block away. After church my dad would always drive us down by the riverfront to see the Delta Queen docked. Good times.

A nice blog entry from my friend Gary Figgins, editor of Show Me Missouri magazine.

I couldn’t possibly afford all the music I’d like to listen to in any given year so I only rank the stuff I bought. Here’s my top 20 which is heavily weighted toward the stuff early in the year. Yes, I’m aware The Cure and about 50 other good releases aren’t included. I’m also aware that I’m riding the Vampire Weekend bandwagon so feel free to make fun of me.

1. Vampire Weekend – Vampire Weekend
2. Nada Surf – Lucky
3. Blitzen Trapper – Furr
4. Rodriguez – Cold Fact (does this count as being released in 2008?)
5. MGMT – Oracular Spectacular
6. Frank Black – Svn Fngrs (if it were a full length it would be #1)
7. Jim Noir – Jim Noir
8. The Chap – Mega Breakfast
9. The High Decibels – The High Decibels
10. Flight of the Conchords – Flight of the Conchords
11. Presidents of the United States of America – These are the Good Times People
12. Mike Doughty – Golden Delicious
13. Valient Thorr – IMMORTALIZER (you know it’s good if it’s in all Caps)
14. Supersuckers – Get it Together
15. Baskervilles – Twilight
16. Common Market – Tobacco Road
17. Supreme Beings of Leisure – 11i
18. King Khan & the Shrines - Supreme Genius of King Khan
19. Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks – Real Emotional Trash
20. Cold War Kids – Loyalty to Loyalty

All those dreams about how much money we were making from owning a house suddenly evaporated just as we were about to put it on the market. I put the blame squarely on Dubya and anyone who voted for him. We put a fair amount of money into upgrading the place; new doors, ceramic tile, tile back splash, paint, carpet, and of course the kick butt landscaping. I'll miss sitting on the deck and listening to the waterfall. Best $800 I ever spent. In my opinion we had one of the best houses in the subdivision. Now faced with hoping to break even, we had to figure out the best strategy for selling the place.

Here were the facts:

1. We didn't have to move. Yes we wanted to avoid our round trip commutes of 160 and 90 miles daily as soon as possible, but we weren't under the gun. This point is very important.
2. There were several houses in the neighborhood selling in the same price range as what we thought our house might be worth in this crap market. Two were the exact same floor plan as ours. One of those was a REO and was listing for basically the same price we paid for ours 5 years ago. Not a good sign. Another house for sale was a friend of mine in the next subdivision over.

We decided to price the house a little less than what we thought it was truly worth in order to attract buyers. Nothing in week 1. In week 2, the open house turned up only one person. I had my hopes up in week 3 when we got a relo to come through the house on a Thursday night, but it turned out to be nothing. A couple weekends passed with no one coming to look at it. It was certainly depressing, especially when the REO sold for list in week 3. I figured since we lived mere blocks away from a new middle school, a brand new elementary school, and a new YMCA, people would be beating a path to the door. I think those elements helped in the long run, but their impact was less than I hoped it would be.

And then in week 6 we had another open house. This time, three groups of people came through. One, we were told, had some rambunctious kids, but it was also their second time through the house. And they took measurements. Sure enough, a couple of things were nicked, but these are the costs of selling a home. Hot damn! We got a bite. I was expecting to get an offer in a couple of days. And then we heard nothing. For over a week we heard nothing. In week 8 our realtor called us to tell us that the couple who took measurements wanted to see the place again. At this point I knew we were real close and on Monday our realtor told us an offer was on its way.

On Tuesday we got it.